Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's Novocain during root
canal work? He wanted to transcend dental medication.

Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a
famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted
to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.

A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He sidles up to the
bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

When she told me I was average, she was just being mean.

This guy goes into a restaurant for a Christmas breakfast while in his home
town for the holidays. After looking over the menu he says, "I'll just have
the eggs Benedict." His order comes a while later and it's served on a big,
shiny hubcap. He asks the waiter, "What's with the hubcap?" The waiter sings,
"O, there's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise!"

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the
lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the
manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?," they
asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts
boasting in an open foyer."

A doctor made it his regular habit to stop off at a bar for a hazelnut
daiquiri on his way home. The bartender knew of his habit, and would always
have the drink waiting at precisely 5:03 p.m. One afternoon, as the end of the
work day approached, the
bartender was dismayed to find that he was out of hazelnut extract. Thinking
quickly, he threw together a daiquiri made with hickory nuts and set it on the
bar. The doctor came in at his regular time, took one sip of the drink and
exclaimed, "This isn't a hazelnut daiquiri!" "No, I'm sorry," replied the
bartender, "it's a hickory daiquiri, doc."

A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat. He
came across two men. One was sitting under a tree and reading a book; the
other was typing away on his typewriter. The lion quickly pounced on the man
reading the book and devoured him. Even the king of the jungle knows that
readers digest and writers cramp.

There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten
different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a
family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they
name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mom. Upon
receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a
picture of Amal. Her husband responds, "But they are twins - if you've seen
Juan, you've seen Amal."


Want to contribute to this page?  Contact  June Shaputis